Tomorrow will come... be here now

The sun rises and sets, money is made and spent. Time flies but don't focus on that. Give yourself to the fleeting moments in life. Breathe deeply the sorrows and troubles and joys and anticipations that come. Look away from this screen and look into the eyes of your loved ones, and the person behind the counter and the strangers you pass on the street. They're here, in your life, now. Practice savoring. Practice seeing. Practice being. You can keep the memories forever but you can't rewind time, so live it and replay it whenever you want and go on living and remembering and looking and seeing and loving and being. Don't be afraid to live and age and have it all end. Just be here, now. And when you find that now is the end you won't have regrets because wherever you were in your life you will know you were fully there.

The Way I Loved You // unsung and developing heroes

I have a new puppy and I've been sleeping on the couch for a week, getting up every two or so hours to let him out into the frigid world to relieve his bladder throughout the night. Recently you had a friend sleep over and the two of you woke up early to come down and meet Barley the pup. It never occurred to you that I was quite sleep deprived and any chance of getting another hour or two went out the window with you two coming down. But once you'd wrestled and snuggled the puppy sufficiently and were ready to go upstairs and wake Lane up so you guys could play video games I convinced you to stay downstairs and watch some tv for an hour so Lane could sleep in a little.

Sometimes I am selfless like that. Then there are other times... Naturally struggling with selfishness and that feeling that the world revolves around you is only heightened by a lack of sleep. Your patience and tolerance shrinks with every lack of consideration for my needs. I lash out with frustration and am nearly intolerable to be around. Truly there is nothing good in me apart from The Lord's abiding presence. I'm still very much dependent on grace. I try to be transparent with these lessons that I learn through my shortcomings hoping you'll learn from my example of growth.

As your teacher and the main adult in your life day in and day out, and apart from those selfish and frustrated moments, my motive behind everything is a love for you that compels me to do what is best for you. Sometimes that makes me look like a "bad guy", dishing out consequences and putting my foot down, meaning what I say and holding you to a high standard, insisting that you do a job completely and correctly. Parents are truly unsung heroes. As nice as it would be to be recognized and thanked for my labors on your behalf, my greatest desire is just for you to grow and succeed. Hmmm... Sounds familiar to what dad always said to me when I thought he was being terribly unfair. That's the way mom and dad love us, and that's the way I love you.

Then we come to the end of the day and we put the "teacher"/"student" roles aside. I tell you that I bet you don't like my interacting with you as though you were my baby brother any more but I can't help but think of you as my sweet, squeezey little buddy. You confide in me that you think I don't like you much anymore because I'm hard on you and I tell you again that its only a strong sign of how fond I am of you. The guard comes down. You invite me to just be your sister tonight and to come up and watch tv in your room with you, Lane and Gabi.

... And that's the way you loved me.

Show Hope // Post by yours truly!

My parents got to follow along as the music careers of some of the earliest contemporary Christian artists unfolded. One of those artists was Steven Curtis Chapman. Actually, my dad was at an Amy Grant concert back in the 80's. As he was riding the escalator at the event location with another gentleman they both asked each other if the other was going to the concert. They both were. They parted ways and half way into the concert dad saw that same man get on stage. It was Steven Curtis Chapman. If you listen to the Christian radio stations these days you'll hear songs by him titled "Do Everything" and "Cinderella" but I grew up listening to his earlier stuff like "The Great Adventure", "When Love Takes You In" and "Dive".

I've grown up "alongside" of his biological kids, I followed along with he and MaryBeth's adoptions of their three Chinese daughters, I celebrated from afar when their older kids got married, I mourned with them when Maria died suddenly, and I was likely one of the earliest fans of their son Caleb's band (and was delighted to meet he and Will when they came to Eau Claire on their first tour).

Dad and I meeting Will. Dad told him his escalator story. Great memory!

The Chapman's have been role models for me and their lives were used to plant seeds early on for my own desire to adopt. To this day one of my greatest wishes is to meet and really know Steven, MaryBeth and their kids. Their hearts reflect the deep love of the Father of the fatherless. They started an organization 10 years ago called Show Hope. It's main function is to provide adoption grants to families who want to adopt but can't afford it, however they have several ways to get involved with orphan care and Emily & Caleb are carrying the torch to inspire our generation to get creative and come up with new ways to advocate. Through the videos below you can get a taste of who they are, what they do and how you can help. And if you get inspired and decided to "get to know" them more, I bet you will find that Steven and his family will feel like long-time family friends to you too!

SPONSOR // http://www.showhope.org/Donate/BecomeASponsor.aspx


GO // http://www.showhope.org/Mobilize/ShortTermTrips.aspx


PASS IT ON // http://www.redbusproject.org/


CELEBRATE // http://showhope.org/mobilize/10YearCelebration.aspx?

I'm not sure if I'll be able to swing it, but you better believe that if I can make it to this celebration, I am going to! Hope to see you there. :)

At the end of the day.

Health. I haven't been 100% healthy in over a year now. It's been one thing after another. I'm sick of it -- no pun intended. In India I was unhealthy the whole time but I was there to do a job and I wasn't going to let health issues keep me from doing that job. As miserable as I was I kept happy, the joy of The Lord truly was my strength through the entire trip. Now that I'm home, living everyday life, having the freedom to be sick without having it interrupt much, I sulk. I feel robbed of my entitlement to health. I'm an American and I ought to have health and prosperity and happiness! Hmm... Maybe not. The geography of where I was born and raised doesn't entitle me to wellness, it simple makes the chance of health more likely.
Most of the time no one can tell I feel unwell from my appearance but even if they could there wouldn't be anything they could do to help. When you're at the end of your rope though, when you're so weary and unwell that every little thing is a labor and no one can see it so they push and prod and demand and insist as usual, eventually you lose it. That's what I've been living with for over a year now, losing it. There must be something for me to learn in this.
I've had this subconscious feeling that The Lord is training me for difficult times ahead, something like climbing a mountain... dealing with high altitudes and really hard work. When I am strained to the point where even the most simple actions are hard work, what will I draw on in order to respond? I've had a lot of experience drawing on myself in those moments. I've been homeschooling my youngest siblings and I can tell you that when I draw on my own "strength" I respond with impatience, frustration, insensitivity and crankiness. But the experience I had during my two weeks sick and strained abroad showed me that when I draw on The Lord for strength I respond with peace, patience, great joy, and love for others. I'm not entitled to health but I am entitled, by the blood of my Lord, to strength and joy to face a lack of it. Each day I get to choose where to draw my strength from.
Consider the strains that weigh on you day in and day out. What do you find yourself drawing on to face them?

The Way I Loved You // intentionally

Dad was ready for the day, he could have jut headed out the door with a simple kiss on my forehead but he pulled out a kitchens stool and spent time with me while I made breakfast. The kids came down and got time with dad which they never get, and which altered their attitudes for the day. Intentionality made our morning special.

We were siting on the couch together, I was keeping the kids on task with school. Aidan was asking silly questions and making up songs and trying to procrastinate. It gets to the point where I begin to tune it out. He started to say my name and ask me another question. I looked over, made eye contact and had a look on my face that suggested he better have something real to ask. As I looked at him though, my expression softened as it hit me that the past two years of his life, while mom and dad have worked everyday, I've been the eyes he gets to look into when he's searching for help and support and care. I love him all the time but to show it takes intentionality. So today I'm living with more intention, tuning in when I would usually tune out...

... And that's the way I loved you.

The Way I Loved You // while mom and dad were gone...

While mom and dad were on vacation and it was just us kids, I got sick. Our bathroom sink stopped draining, so we brushed out teeth in the kitchen every night. Lane gave you guys your science test. Gabi and I watched you boys play Call of Duty all day, then you let us watch chick flicks all night. I got off the couch long enough to make one home-cooked meal a day, and always put some spinach in it (except the pancakes, of course). Even though I always make sure you fulfill your daily responsibilities (aka chores) I did the dishes for you on Monday because you had a lot on your plate. I bought tulips to bring some spring into our snowed-in world. When we ran out of groceries at the end of the week and you and Lane went to a friends house, I went to the store so you wouldn't have to be bothered, even though I felt like I was going to throw up on the way home. 

 Lane took the trash in on his way to school so I wouldn't have to be bothered to do it. Gabi made me tea and brought it to me in bed when I got really sick, I brought her emergen-c and lotion Puffs when she got really sick. Our Super Bowl party consisted of snuggling under blankets on the couch with cats and drinking fruit smoothies, surrounded by piles of kleenex. You guys did your school quietly and without complaining each day. While I was washing dishes for you, you were vaccuming the floor for me, and Gabi was folding my laundry. When mom and dad's flight got canceled and they couldn't come home for another day, we all pulled together to keep up each other's spirits and then all went to bed early. On our last day at home alone I was finally on the mend, we had had a good week alone, I was proud of how we had coped, and we had celebrated your 13th birthday. Aidan, you know how to drive me insane, but you couldn't make me love you more. You're my baby brother...

... and that's the way I loved you.