Not in a Hurry //

The Lord's life had purpose and promise all over it years and years before He was conceived and delivered. My life did too. Jesus grew up knowing the prophesies speaking of His life. How many times as He walked or sat eating or worked with His dad or lay in bed through His childhood and young adult years do you think that He meditated on them? Knowing His calling, knowing the day would come for Him to fulfill it all. His cousin, John, had known Him from conception. The night before do you think Jesus lay awake in excited anticipation of His time?

13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan [River], to be baptized by him.14 But John tried to prevent Him [vigorously protesting], saying, “It is I who need to be baptized by You, and do You come to me?” 15 But Jesus replied to him, “Permit it just now; for this is the fitting way for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John permitted [it and baptized] Him. 16 After Jesus was baptized, He came up immediately out of the water; and behold, the heavens were opened, and he (John) saw the Spirit of God descending as a dove and lighting on Him (Jesus), 17 and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased and delighted!” -- Matthew 3

So it began. Before He had ever done one thing or said one word in His ministry, in His life calling, His Dad says He is well pleased with Him. And this is where I am right now. Ive known all my life in the depths of me bits and pieces of my calling. Ive seen them string together over the years. Ive meditated on the purpose Daddy God has for my life. Ive anticipated the day when its due time to fulfill.  Wife, mother, prophet. But here, on the eve of launching into it all, He keeps saying over and over, "I want to spend these last days just you and Me. I want to celebrate your life and show you what I see when I look at you. You're my beloved daughter, in whom I am well pleased and delighted. Let Me just shower you with love in these final days before your wedding [destiny]."

I am in no hurry to get to the next season. All my life Ive been itching to get to the day when I would be married and having babies and on mission. That sense of knowing it wasnt time but one day it would be and in my preparation that desire kept me motivated. But this season right before the fulness of time, the completion of years of preparation, where Im just WITH my Love and sinking deep in this truth that ultimately my calling is to be a child of God -- it has been before the creation of the world -- Im in no hurry to move past it.

Church, if youve thought that in order to be intimate with Daddy you had to be fulfilling His will... If youve been afraid of being out of His will, of mishearing Him, of disobeying, of lacking in ministry, etc... Youve had it backwards. You have been brought near by unity in Christ's death and resurrection. You ARE seated in heavenly places and have freedom to approach the throne with BOLDNESS. Its for FREEDOM that Christ has set you free. Intimacy with Him has been established long ago. You were [re]born into it. Its FROM intimacy that we naturally walk in His will, hear Him, obey him, minister. Its only from that place. Its an overflow of what we've been given. Who we ARE determines what we do, what we do doesnt determine who we are.

So then, believers, we [who are born again—reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, and set apart for His purpose] are not children of a slave woman [the natural], but of the free woman [the supernatural]. It was for this freedom that Christ set us free [completely liberating us]; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery [which you once removed]. -- Galatians 4:31-5:1

You get to LIVE in this place! You never have to leave it! We live rejoicing because we live in the everlasting reality that we are free and we are children of God and He is well-pleased with us! Take all the time you need to just rest in that. Every day! Its never a waste of time to meditate on this and be renewed in your mind by this truth.
And dont fear making mistakes in hearing Him. He loves our boldness and He loves to correct us as we go because its part of training. He's not displeased with mistakes. Be encouraged!

Perfect Ways //

Two weeks ago I entered a new season of life. My twenty third year is already so marked by release, purpose and presence and I want to share about it. Basically, regardless of circumstances, Daddy God is faithful, He is mine, and in His presence is FULNESS of joy. 

Last summer I'd had breakthrough from my heart break that spring, I'd been given fresh vision for purpose after the future Id envisioned with Zachary was stripped away -- by mercy and perfect wisdom's plan I now see -- and at that time I was prayer-walking my city and listening for where I was to move. I was also investing in new friendships in other cities where we were cheering each other on in living the normal Christian life. Last October one of those friends revealed feelings for me and intentions toward me. I shared his feelings and was more than on-board with his serious and honorable intentions. I was so afraid of loss though and the fear was flavoring my feelings with doubt and anxiety. All the what ifs of another interest never becoming anything committed, of another envisioned future stripped away, of a loved man lost, of possibly having to endure the ache of someone having left instead of staying again. With all the patient reassurances of my friend, all his encouragement of this being a new thing and not what I'd been through before, of all the promise I saw written on the idea of "us", and simply believing that, whatever came, this man was worth the risk and I wanted it, I chose to begin again. 

Long distance, we took things slow in a sense, as we wanted to interact with each other and meet each other's "people" before making anything official, but we also launched, or fell, quickly into what I hoped never to recover from. For months I was reservation and caution. Then I was all-in. Then I was insecure in the amount of time we were taking between expressed mutual desires and a public commitment. In the midst of moving forward though my friend heard distinctly from Daddy God, "Wait. Don't get ahead of My timing." He wanted to ignore it because of his strong draw to me. He tried to ignore it but couldn't. Eventually he told me about the word and it revealed how much I needed some one-on-one time with Daddy. I pitched a fit. I kicked and screamed and told them both how not okay I was with this plan. "Daddy, don't you know that my security depends on things actually coming together and lasting this time around? What are You thinking asking us to wait? This messes with my heart so much." For months we went up and down this emotional roller coaster of limbo because my friend couldn't ignore the word and I really wanted to. When I realized afresh that I couldn't control the future, we spent some days apart. We prayed, talked, cried to our Daddy, and came back together on the same page: we needed to submit to this word and we thought the only way to guard each other's hearts while waiting to further pursue a future together meant disconnecting from each other for a period of time and then reconnecting afterward to reevaluate where we sensed things were at on Gods timetable and heart. So we did. 

For five months we avoided talking to and seeing each other, labeled ourselves "off the market", and opened ourselves instead to whatever Daddy wanted to do in us individually as well as with "us". 

Two weeks into our season of separation I got a call telling me that my parents had separated. My security depending on the faithfulness of loved ones and them not leaving had landed me on my face. The only one I had for intimacy in this confusing and painful time was the one who later would reveal himself to me as my Forever Love. 

Month by month, season by season, I walked forward with Daddy God and let him Father me, let Him love me. It wasn't about questions being answered or about circumstances being favorable or people being faithful. I was finding all I needed in the security and the hope and the steadfastness of Him. I was finding all I needed in the one who is mine -- forever. 

Time was drawing to a close in the separation season with my friend, a time for reevaluation was nearing. All the way through Daddy had assured me, "The man will know how to lead forward, and you will know how to respond to his decision." Then one week before my birthday a complete shift in my heart occurred and it wasn't my desire for my friend and I to pursue a future anymore. The man who had loved me well, led me patiently, walked through healing and confusion and obedience and silence with me, the one I'd thanked God for more times a day than I could keep track of, was very suddenly the man that I just wanted restored friendship with. I wanted so much to just begin again with him, after all the months of silence, as friends and just allow life to unfold before us as it would. 

In Daddy's perfect timing, my friend called, on my birthday, about a year from the date he'd initiated pursuing me, and what was the way forward that he'd clearly been told to lead in? Just beginning again as friends. Leave it to Daddy to get two of His kids on the same page without them communicating or seeing each other. I might add too, that although we were both sure this was the place to begin again and the way forward for us, our feelings for each other had come through the season still in tact. We still wanted each other as we had the whole year but we wanted other things more. My friend wanted healing from past hurts -- things that had been revealed to him during our season apart -- and regain the freedom of heart to be really vulnerable in a romantic relationship again someday. He wanted to continue in the callings and purposes Daddy had for him where he was. I wanted to be officially single again and have that freedom to run hard after all that Daddy had for me in the year ahead. I wanted to keep going through life's troubles with this security in my immovable Daddy and forget about romance until it was really time. We were so grateful and so glad that our friendship had been preserved. I was happy to have the possibility that down the road perhaps our hearts and Daddy's timing would line up and we'd explore a future together once again, but I also had so much peace that whether that happened or not is just fine. 

How is it that when it looks like all I feared came to pass that I came out so unwounded, so fearless, so secure in hope? Daddy is faithful and works everything to my good and won't ever leave me! Security that depends on anything other than Him leaves us hanging but security in Him leaves us soaring. 

My parents are walking through getting divorced, I've lost the hoped for future with my dear friend that we'd delighted over and prayed for, and through it all it is literally, to the depths of me and back again, WELL with me. This is the best year of my life so far. Bad news at possibly the worst timing -- my folks' separation right on the heels of my friend and I beginning our separation season, and then no restoration of hoped for relationship with my friend settled on my birthday -- has come to be just news that didn't shake me and that ended up being a blessing to me because my Daddy God reigns and hope in Him never disappoints. It's incredibly sad that my Dad left our family. It's sad that my friend and I aren't moving forward as we'd hoped. As always there's a season of mourning. But it was especially short for me because it was eclipsed by an extreme pleasure in the Presence of my Forever Love. 

I'm supremely satisfied. Perfect peace, an abounding joy, and supernatural strength are what I'm walking around in and it doesn't even make sense to me. By all "rights" I should be miserable or depressed or riddled with anxiety. But I'm a child of God and so by all heaven's rights I'm secure and satisfied and whole. I'm passionate about His presence, about abiding in fulness of joy, and in being the evidence of a God who is more than enough. He's really good. I can't even help it -- Im more in love with Him than ever!

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint or grow weary; there is no searching of His understanding. He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing it to multiply and making it to abound]. [II Cor. 12:9.] Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected] young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted; But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired. [Heb. 12:1-3.]”

Isaiah 40:28-31 AMP

I haven't had a release to write about any of this as it unfolded the past twelve months but the time has come. Praying for clarity as I begin again to testify of all that the Lord is saying and doing for and through me these days. The best is yet to come -- always!

Wild + Free //

Have you ever had a season end with unanswered questions? I have. Not KNOWING used to drive me up the wall. That lack of control, of having a handle on a situation, made me fearful. Fear isnt in my DNA anymore though.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

Have you ever heard God clearly and followed faithfully but made some big mistakes at the same time? I have. The shame of failing used to feel like being buried alive. The accusations that came against me were like knives. Jesus doesnt say, "Shame on you!" though, He says, "Shame off of you!"

Who the Son sets free is free indeed.

Two years ago, this season, I was in the very beginning of a relationship that would flourish and fade as quickly as a flower's season. My heart position through it was one of submission to follow the Lord wherever He led. I didnt trust my own ways. I had to go way out of the box I had always expected a relationship to stay within. I took risks, was vulnerable, made sacrifices, all to love another person well. I have no regrets. Not one. I did make a big mistake though. My mistake was in expecting what hadnt been promised to me and then being resentful when I didnt receive it. An abrupt and complete end after nine months of faithful, freeing, death-to-self love for another, and then I blamed the man for not committing as I "deserved" him to. I blamed Daddy God for not keeping His word to me that this relationship would last. Then I had my perspective corrected lovingly, mercifully by my good, unoffendable, faithful Daddy God. "Baby girl," He said, "I never promised you would end up together. I told you you were meant to be in relationship. And you were. All along you knew it was for Z that we were there, loving well. You experienced my burning heart of love toward him every day. I pursued his heart through you. Had you been merely friends you never would have been so close, so open, so able to speak into each other's lives. I needed to show Z My love through a person and when I looked for someone willing to be used, I found you. You walked it out so well. Every day. Growing along the way. You knew how proud I was of you, baby girl, walking through this new territory each day. You shone with the reality of it, My strength evident where you only had weakness. The mistake you made was in putting your eyes back on yourself when it ended, demanding what Father of Lies whispered were your dues. Answers to questions, owed reward, the badge of honor that commitment brings, human affection. I have better things in store to give you though. You cant earn them and you cant lose them through failure to perform. I just want to give you good things because I love you so much I cant help Myself. All I have is yours. You really experienced that walking out on the other side of the loss of relationship with Z. You had thought that your identity was in promise, was in hope fulfilled,  in the purpose and the calling on your life, but you found identity where it really is: in Me. So even when you thought you were watching your dreams, promises, hopes, and calling die, you were really walking forward into all of those by leaning yourself into Me. The relationship wasnt a mistake. The ending wasnt either. The mistake was a self-focus."

The truth will set you free.

Arent His ways wild?! Isnt His heart outrageous?! Resentment fled at the revelation of my mistake. I hadnt been cheated. I hadnt misheard. I'd made a rookie mistake. And Daddy God's mercy covered it. Z had been loved well. All the promises for my future had been preserved. Faith had taken new ground. Id experienced the freedom of walking in death-to-self. Its a really free and really fruitful place. I kid you not, it was the most beautiful and joyful thing Id ever experienced. But it didnt end there. Im continuing to learn what it is to walk in the freedom of being alive-in-Christ. He set me free from sin and death and shame -- glory! But it was FOR freedom that He set me free, BECAUSE He so loved me. Right in the same season of revelation about my mistake, as I was being disciplined (receiving correction to my perspective), guess what else was being revealed to me? A forever-Love. 

"Baby, Im ALL IN. Im not going anywhere. Im your forever-Love. Follow Me, stumble, I'll hold you up, humble yourself under my Love, receive. I want to walk through every single day of your life with you, baby girl. Have you misread John 3:16 as, "For God so full of mercy sent His only Son" or "For God so wanted to wash His hands of you He sent His only Son" or "For God was so determined to forgive that He sent His only Son"? I so LOVED the world that I gave My only Son. I WANT, DESIRE, ADORE you. I keep you like I lost you, because in the Garden I did, and from then til the cross I was working out the way to get you back, that we could again be ONE, forever." 

Guys, He didnt leave! My mistakes and blame-shifting and selfishness isnt a turn-off to Him. Nothing can make Him run from me and no matter where I go His love pursues me. He chose me before the foundation of the world and He doesnt regret the choice He made, or the price He paid. He doesnt want to let me go, never has, never will. He's pleased with me even when Im not pleasant. He knows me through and through, to the deepest depth and back again, and He adores me. Knowing I had Him even after I lost "everything else" in the break-up was my hope, but its become my life -- the breath I breathe, the blood in my veins. I have all of Him for forever. It was enough in a season of death. Its enough in seasons of life. He IS all.

Freedom from fear, from shame, from death, from the Accuser, from yourself. This word is for you too: Its for FREEDOM that He has set you free. Daddy God is wild.
Run, rest, live -- free!

A successful night //

I went in, this was the second time, and even though two months had gone by since the first time things were much the same. What had changed was that I knew what I was walking into, I knew faces, I knew that we never know what the night will hold. Last time I'd been anchored in my chair, processing everything, learning faces and holding onto bits of the girls' stories as I heard them shared. This time I was up and around, going over to sit near girls that were alone, waiting for customers -- much like I pull up a seat next to someone new at church on Sunday's to communicate how wanted they are and how worth it they are. Its a funny dance, our group, the dancers, and the patrons, all together and shifting around each other for a few hours on a Sunday night. When we leave the shift carries on just like it did all the days and nights before, but that doesn't determine the "success" of a visit to the club. We're greeted with sincere smiles and trusting hearts, like good friends, when we come into the club. Its hard work, its statistically traumatizing and heart-breaking work, and from what Ive heard, none of the girls want to work there. Its complicated and hard for them to find other work. Whether they ever leave or not, whether they ever believe us or not, we are there to love them and to show them they're worth much more than they dare to believe. Brining Jesus' presence and love into a dark -- literally -- place consistently and without condition, not expecting anything in return and not growing tired of doing so, that determines a successful night at the strip club. We'll keep going, whether or not we ever witness change, because the people in those four walls are WORTH it.

Messengers >>

I'm there to know them //

Last Thursday I showed up in the 'hood for an after-school program and neighborhood cookout. I knew the people putting it on but I didnt know the people in the neighborhood that showed up. But that was the point of me going, to meet them. I stood on the side-lines of the games. I talked with some moms and grandmas that walked their kids down. I went over and said hi to a girl who was standing off to the side just watching. She scowled at me and ignored me so I just stood near her.

During the cookout I was asked to man the prayer table. Its just a station set up with a sign for free prayer. Some kids came over to me and asked me to pray for their food. I was able to pray a blessing over a grandma that Id been by during the kids' games. Mostly, though, I just sat there and smiled and greeted people that passed by. One woman showed up by bus just for the cookout. She sat at the prayer station with me and talked all about her family and church community. She was encouraged to be in the company of brothers and sisters in an area that has had several shootings recently.

Monday nights I go to prayer and worship at the same location. I join an eclectic group of brothers and sisters who love the Lord, love Milwaukee, and agree in prayer and action with what God is doing in the city, starting with their own block.

As I was leaving the kids from the neighborhood were playing basketball in the street. I recognized many of them from the after-school program, though I hadnt yet learned their names. "Stranger! Stranger!" one of the boys yelled, pointing at me. I laughed, "You know me! I'll see you guys on Thursday!" They smiled and cleared out of the street.

Yesterday was Thursday and I went back. The kids were playing as usual and I was in and out but they recognized me. One of the boys wiped out on his bike and was crying. I helped him get cleaned up and after that he would ride past me saying, "Hi Chelsea!" He knew me. Just like he knew the people who have been serving there, across the street from him, for years. I'd been accepted in. Same with the other kids. They started to talk to me, engage with me, high five and hug me. The girl who had scowled at and ignored me last week, when I said hello to her and called her by name, burst into a smile and said hello back with a mouth full of potato chips.

I was manning the prayer table again this week. No one stopped by it except for staff members. They just wanted to fellowship. It was nice. Several old friends from the prayer and worship night showed up in the line for food and getting to see them, mixed in with my new friends (the neighborhood kids), as well as various men and women from the community who just happened by, was glorious. See, its one thing to meet someone once and be kind and generous toward them then. Its another thing to intentionally be a consistent presence in their lives and to continue to show kindness and generosity and genuine interest in them.
These neighbors of mine, over on 30th and Burleigh, they matter. Theyve been through hard things. Theyre beautiful people. Im there to know them. And as I know them, itll be my privilege to love them with patience, with persistence, and, Im sure, with provision. Because when you know your friend has a need, its your joy to help them meet it.

An MKE update: to make up for the months of my silence //

Purpose moves me. Not people or a paycheck, purpose. People ask what brought me to Milwaukee — school or work are the typical assumption — and while I know there is much purpose behind my placement here, ultimately what brought me here is Jesus. So thats what I say. Im in love with Him, He’s at work and He purposed for me to be part of that work in this city, at this time. How that looks is still unfolding. 

When I was moving here I had this fresh passion for homeless people and, knowing that the city had a population of homeless, I assumed Id immediately take the practical step of finding a shelter or an intersection or square of the city where homeless gathered in community and just make myself a consistent presence there with them. Instead I had some heart-to-heart times with my Father that resulted in something else. He reminded me that the point is to love my neighbors, to make disciples — people growing in knowing the Father. I didn’t move here to create a ministry. I didnt even move here to join a ministry. I moved here to live intentionally in community with the local church and the people in this city. 

Relationships require consistency and investment of time and emotion. The church as a Body is spread out all across the city, we don’t have the exact same neighbors. Thats good. One family lives in an apartment complex and they love on their neighbors there as they rub shoulders and cross paths. Another family lives in a quiet neighborhood and does the same with their neighbors. Some people are students and they’re loving their “neighbor” in the seat or class next to them. Others are loving their coworker “neighbor” in the hospital, at the gym, in the coffee shop, or at the grade-school. 

The church Body of Milwaukee is diverse. Im seeing it come together as One, rather than separate members and that is beautiful. But as one of the white members of that Body, with the unfair privileges and favor of my race in society, and the unconscious, ingrained race-related biases we are raised with, I know that there are groups of “neighbors” we (white people) avoid. Homeless, prostitutes, low income, etc. Its a shame that we have made people that are meant to be our brothers and sisters, our neighbors, into our enemies. Our struggle isn’t with flesh and blood. The separation that there was between mankind and the Father was dealt with in Jesus. No one needs to be held to separation by our judgement when everyone has freedom to the Father by the Son, who died once for all, available to them just like to us. 

In my own neighborhood there are families and couples and singles. There are white and black and Arab people. There are Christians and Catholics and Muslims. Ive met some of my neighbors in their driveways or yards, walking down the sidewalk running errands. Ive met some at the libraries and post office and pizza shop. Im not out on-mission, I don’t have an agenda, Im just aware and I care so my eyes and ears are open to them.

In like manner Im aware of my marginalized “neighbors”. I perk up at the sight of someone who lives on the streets or has been subjected to racial prejudices or who feels helpless to make money any other way than by selling their body, just like I perk up at the sound of someone saying my street address or neighborhood name. I choose to be more intentional about making sure I spend time around the neighbors that aren’t in my immediate neighborhood. There still isn’t a program, its not a mission, there isn’t an agenda. Its still just loving my neighbors, being a consistent presence, growing in knowing the Father beside them. I keep my eyes and ears open, I build community with other people who are being Love and making disciples as a lifestyle too, and I let the Spirit guide me to the specifics of where and when and how of “stepping next door”, both one yard over and across the river, each day.

We look for big things to happen though, don’t we? Well, for six months no big things have happened here. Life has been quite small and usual, although, as Todd White would say, “You’re a divine encounter everywhere you go.” And we know that thats no small thing! But it comes out in lots of small things. 

- Investing in the community I have at church — going on Sunday morning and spending the afternoon going out to lunch with people afterward (even if you don’t get any food because your budget won’t allow it), being at small group consistently, hitting people up from that group throughout the week to hang out or attend other events together, being available to say ‘yes’ when someone reaches out to ask for help. 

- Connecting with other area church members who are like-hearted — which means going to their prayer meetings and worship events (which may be out of your way), it means looking a little crazy and walking to the front to introduce yourself to someone after an event, it means going to Chipotle with a bunch of strangers/new friends,  it means actually following up on Facebook, it means GPS navigating to their home and sitting in their living room with them some afternoons -- normal relationship building things. 

- Being the best nanny. Being the most punctual, efficient, honest, encouraging employee at my part-time gig. 

- Going to the same coffee shops, the same post office, the same stores, the same bank, the same grocery stores over and over and taking time to smile at and be kind to the tellers and cashiers. Encouraging them with life-giving words, praying for their injuries (wrist braces, casts, slings, bandages, canes, crutches, apparent stiffness or soreness… these are all obvious and theyre easy to ask about and pray for quickly while your transactions are completed). 

Ive connected with area leaders without even meaning to, and with such ease and favor it could only be God. I ended up at events that they were at and we had opportunities to connect and to hear each other's hearts. To be known and not only accepted as a friend but respected as a co-laborer in this community that Im so new to, so quickly, by people who I have high regard for is humbling and inspiring. I created a Facebook group called “UNITED community - MKE” and have been adding them one by one as we cross paths and get connected. There are the staff members at my church (who’ve become more like friends than church staff to me), the eclectic group of individuals who makes up the team at Adullam — a ministry that meets in a warehouse in the middle of the ghetto — who’s heart beat is for that area and all their neighbors, a couple who moved here from Florida because of Jesus and as a resulted many are following suit, some men you will always find at any area prayer or worship event, a young mother of three and a handful of other women from her church who have been going to the same strip-club every month for almost five years to build trust with the dancers that work there and to love them with Jesus’ love, a pastor + his wife of the most ethnically diverse congregation Ive seen so far in this city, two pastors who were born and raised in all-black communities and have come back in order to pour back into them, women who are single mothers and who walk in the Spirit and are divine encounters everywhere they go, stay-at-home moms who are raising their children to know the Father and to bring heaven to earth and set captives free through love and the authority they have as God’s children through Jesus. 

For several months now Ive just been posting information about area gatherings of believers on this FB page, an open invitation for all these people from different bodies and parts of town. As One Body, and compelled by One Love, we have been gathering in various ways. We’ve been expectant for the Lord’s thoughts to unfold before us the ways He wants for us to reach out as a united community to our city. With my transition from the school work schedule to the summer one I am also transitioning the rest of my life here for the summer. Im jumping into outreach with already established groups, in neighborhoods they’ve been serving consistently for years. I intend to be a consistent face in these places and to establish relationship with the people I meet while doing so. There are dreams of where that may lead but for now its just the next step. We will just wait and see how the Father unfolds His dreams from there.