The lines from yesterday have dried, there is no un-writing what is past. I'm glad. I like it as it reads. Tomorrow, though, the pages of tomorrow are unwritten. What should we write? More faith, more risks, more extravagant love, more adventure, more forgiveness, more challenges, more steps into the unknown with the Beloved, more broken hearts, more experiences in new cultures, more stretching out of hands, more dancing, more deep drinks of this messy + marvelous life with all its troubles and miracles. I want that. Let's keep writing that. If I get anything as rich and wild and wonderful and hard as I've gotten up to this point, I'll be a blessed woman.
"Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind."
- Anthony Bourdain, No Reservations
See, I want to keep growing, want to keep learning, want to keep seeking, want to keep knocking, want to keep changing + becoming. I don't want to cover up my gray hairs or touch up my scars or tuck away chapters of my life. THIS [read: life] is exactly, beautifully good -- every bit of it -- because the Author knows how to spin every line -- past, present, and future -- together so that the story turns out for my good, no matter what comes. I'm following Him. Fearless. I want people to see it written all over me. I want them to be able to read the unfolding story of my life in my closet, and art, and friends, and music. I want them to see how it built over time, layer upon layer. How the tides washed bits away and redistributed the other bits, again and then again. How the waters smoothed and polished the edges of me. At the end of my days I want people to say they knew me well + that I wasn't the same girl who came into this world when I went out of it... That I took life as it came -- truly lived it to the hilt -- and that I left beauty behind me everywhere I went.
There on my right, my Strength + Authority, on Him I lean + after Him I follow. He is my all + my chief delight. My Husband, I focus on Him + our life, we focus on ministry.
There on My left, My chosen one + resting place, she leans on Me + after Me she follows. She is My Body + I withhold no good from her. My Bride, she is My own, and My heart is toward her.
I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. // You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fulness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm16:8, 11 AMP)
This life we live together isn't focused inward, on "me", on how "my" needs are or aren't being met. We are focused on each other + on those around us. Love doesn't give to get in return, it just gives.
So I forget my own life, like He forgets His, and in place I focus my life on Him -- as He set the example of that for me. But while we are focused outward, He and I, seeking first the Kingdom, He never looks away from me -- His Bride.
Love will make you do crazy things and My Love for her never fades, it's condition-less + relentless. We were separated and I couldn't bear it. I went to the grave + back again just to create the opportunity for us to draw near each other. She accepted My pursuit and I made her Mine, she took on My Name. I know her intimately -- what delights her, where she is weak, how she bears burdens. Out of everything I am I nourish and cherish her. I clothe her in dignity + strength. I am acquainted with every little need of hers, not one escapes my sight, and I provide for them. I protect her with My presence and with everything at my disposal. I catch her tears, not one falls to the ground. We have a mission in this life together and that is what we focus ourselves on, but don't think for a second that I am ever unaware of her. My eyes are fixed on her. I couldn't pull Myself away if I tried. Did you really think this great Love I have for her would settle into mediocrity once I was always with her? I am never not pursuing her heart. I'm attentive to even her silent cries. She is Mine to care for and I don't take that for granted. It's my greatest joy and honor to sacrifice everything to love her well. I literally gave My life to win her, yes, and she daily gives her life for Me and My work in this world, but My giving wasn't a one-time deal, its Who I am, its what I do. I will always be giving Myself to her.