Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Wild + Free //

Have you ever had a season end with unanswered questions? I have. Not KNOWING used to drive me up the wall. That lack of control, of having a handle on a situation, made me fearful. Fear isnt in my DNA anymore though.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

Have you ever heard God clearly and followed faithfully but made some big mistakes at the same time? I have. The shame of failing used to feel like being buried alive. The accusations that came against me were like knives. Jesus doesnt say, "Shame on you!" though, He says, "Shame off of you!"

Who the Son sets free is free indeed.

Two years ago, this season, I was in the very beginning of a relationship that would flourish and fade as quickly as a flower's season. My heart position through it was one of submission to follow the Lord wherever He led. I didnt trust my own ways. I had to go way out of the box I had always expected a relationship to stay within. I took risks, was vulnerable, made sacrifices, all to love another person well. I have no regrets. Not one. I did make a big mistake though. My mistake was in expecting what hadnt been promised to me and then being resentful when I didnt receive it. An abrupt and complete end after nine months of faithful, freeing, death-to-self love for another, and then I blamed the man for not committing as I "deserved" him to. I blamed Daddy God for not keeping His word to me that this relationship would last. Then I had my perspective corrected lovingly, mercifully by my good, unoffendable, faithful Daddy God. "Baby girl," He said, "I never promised you would end up together. I told you you were meant to be in relationship. And you were. All along you knew it was for Z that we were there, loving well. You experienced my burning heart of love toward him every day. I pursued his heart through you. Had you been merely friends you never would have been so close, so open, so able to speak into each other's lives. I needed to show Z My love through a person and when I looked for someone willing to be used, I found you. You walked it out so well. Every day. Growing along the way. You knew how proud I was of you, baby girl, walking through this new territory each day. You shone with the reality of it, My strength evident where you only had weakness. The mistake you made was in putting your eyes back on yourself when it ended, demanding what Father of Lies whispered were your dues. Answers to questions, owed reward, the badge of honor that commitment brings, human affection. I have better things in store to give you though. You cant earn them and you cant lose them through failure to perform. I just want to give you good things because I love you so much I cant help Myself. All I have is yours. You really experienced that walking out on the other side of the loss of relationship with Z. You had thought that your identity was in promise, was in hope fulfilled,  in the purpose and the calling on your life, but you found identity where it really is: in Me. So even when you thought you were watching your dreams, promises, hopes, and calling die, you were really walking forward into all of those by leaning yourself into Me. The relationship wasnt a mistake. The ending wasnt either. The mistake was a self-focus."

The truth will set you free.

Arent His ways wild?! Isnt His heart outrageous?! Resentment fled at the revelation of my mistake. I hadnt been cheated. I hadnt misheard. I'd made a rookie mistake. And Daddy God's mercy covered it. Z had been loved well. All the promises for my future had been preserved. Faith had taken new ground. Id experienced the freedom of walking in death-to-self. Its a really free and really fruitful place. I kid you not, it was the most beautiful and joyful thing Id ever experienced. But it didnt end there. Im continuing to learn what it is to walk in the freedom of being alive-in-Christ. He set me free from sin and death and shame -- glory! But it was FOR freedom that He set me free, BECAUSE He so loved me. Right in the same season of revelation about my mistake, as I was being disciplined (receiving correction to my perspective), guess what else was being revealed to me? A forever-Love. 

"Baby, Im ALL IN. Im not going anywhere. Im your forever-Love. Follow Me, stumble, I'll hold you up, humble yourself under my Love, receive. I want to walk through every single day of your life with you, baby girl. Have you misread John 3:16 as, "For God so full of mercy sent His only Son" or "For God so wanted to wash His hands of you He sent His only Son" or "For God was so determined to forgive that He sent His only Son"? I so LOVED the world that I gave My only Son. I WANT, DESIRE, ADORE you. I keep you like I lost you, because in the Garden I did, and from then til the cross I was working out the way to get you back, that we could again be ONE, forever." 

Guys, He didnt leave! My mistakes and blame-shifting and selfishness isnt a turn-off to Him. Nothing can make Him run from me and no matter where I go His love pursues me. He chose me before the foundation of the world and He doesnt regret the choice He made, or the price He paid. He doesnt want to let me go, never has, never will. He's pleased with me even when Im not pleasant. He knows me through and through, to the deepest depth and back again, and He adores me. Knowing I had Him even after I lost "everything else" in the break-up was my hope, but its become my life -- the breath I breathe, the blood in my veins. I have all of Him for forever. It was enough in a season of death. Its enough in seasons of life. He IS all.

Freedom from fear, from shame, from death, from the Accuser, from yourself. This word is for you too: Its for FREEDOM that He has set you free. Daddy God is wild.
Run, rest, live -- free!