Love, Me | 1.

Baby girl,

I love you.

Im attached to you. I find pleasure in you.
And nothing you can do will change those truths.

This (love for, attachment to, pleasure in) you compels Me to actions:
I cant help but draw near,
cant help but sing over you,
cant help but give all of Myself to you,
cant help but reveal My heart to you,
cant help but share My plans with you,
cant help but be where you are.

Love compels to action.
I SO LOVED >> that << I GAVE.

Giving My Son was extravagant measure to go to just to be free to draw you to Myself again, to bring you into My presence, but it was merely the PRE-gift. I had to reconcile you to Myself through My Son SO THAT I could give you My Spirit. I wanted you to know Me intimately, to experience My love everyday, to know what I think of & toward you at any moment, to taste and see My goodness here on the earth as it is in heaven, to abide in My love.

As you live right here, camped in this Love, at My feet, in My presence, abiding with My Spirit in everything you do and say and think, youre renewing your mind to operate in the reality of your freedom (sound mind) + identity (love) + authority (power). Youre training your eyes on Mine.

Stable in My love, locked onto My unending gaze of pleasure with you, you respond properly to the world. Circumstances dont have to be right or good in order for you to KNOW that I am pleased with you, that Im attached to you, that Im for you, that I am yours.

When favor is seen + experienced, when seas part, when provision falls, when supplies dont run out, when bonds are broken, when increase is harvested it stirs up your wonder and you celebrate with everyone the public display of My love for you. This is right and lovely! But your heart doesnt NEED these times to know its loved by Me. (Though they will always come because I cant help but give good things to you!)

When youre out of food and dont know where youll get your next meal, your heart doesnt panic or become discouraged, it continues rejoicing in Love because it rests in hope. Not the hope that it will be given food soon, but the hope that I am who I say I AM and that Im yours. You have food to eat that the world doesnt know about. Your soul is delighted and sustained by one glance of My eyes -- beholding the never ending reality of My love -- in secret at any moment of the night or day, far more than it ever is by "big moments" of rescue or provision.

I love you
& you KNOW it.

Qualified //

Are we only going to move when it's recognized by others? Are we only willing to live missionally when we're going on a missions trip, when people can pat us on the back for it and make us feel legit, instead of letting Holy Spirit be our legitimacy and live on mission everywhere? The lip service of men is an unstable foundation but the authority of Jesus-in-you is a solid one. If you only move when men recognize your actions then you'll fail to move with Holy Spirit in His missions when no one is looking or when men think what you're doing is crazy or when they are unimpressed. Who's voice determines your identity? 

I can walk with authority (in any country or business or school, etc), share love, testify to life found in Jesus, heal, disciple, bless, release, etc. not because it's my vocation to do so -- that I'm employed by an earthly master to do this and was trained or equipped or qualified by a program or organization -- but because it's my right as a daughter of God, it flows directly out of my new nature and identity in Him. I was [re]born for this!!! 

So I may NEVER be called a missionary (identity), never have a sending church (legitimacy or qualification), or a team of financial supporters (recognition and equipping). That doesn't matter because I know who, or, rather,  Whose, I am and in Him I have everything. Identity: I am Gods daughter so missionary is part of who I am by NATURE. Legitimacy or qualification: Christ in me, the Holy Spirit (which every baptized -- dead TO sin and raised to life IN Him -- believer has in them), the hope of glory... The way heavens kingdom is established on earth... Everything needed for life (which includes mission) and godliness. Recognition or equipping: Daddy God is Provider and He is with me always, as in never away from me. My hope is in Him, not in the provision themselves. If we wait to believe who He is until we see the provision our hope is shakeable, but if our hope is in Who He is we can walk forward unshaken before the provision even comes. 

Believer, brother/sister, if you're waiting for qualification, youve got it. That was done 2,000 years ago and released to you when you believed and received. If you're waiting to FEEL qualified, you just have to accept that it's true that you are qualified by the finished work of Jesus (reconciliation to the Father and the abiding of His Spirit in you) and walk forward in that renewed mindset, that correct perspective.
Lets go set captives free!

Home to me //

Maybe you're not ready for a relationship. Maybe God wants to do something still. Maybe the man is great and you're great and you love each other but the timing is off because one or both of you still need to grow, or because your current purposes don't line up (different paces or locations). Maybe it's not about being a bad match but it just not being the right time or place for A match. Maybe it's not so much that you're ill prepared to love someone and live together but rather that there are things Jesus wants to do with your life that can only be done while you're still single, therefore the time isn't right, therefore you're not "ready". Welcome to my world. 

And if you're here too you know the freedom of it, the pleasure of it, the satisfaction of it, the joyful expectation of it. Jesus is more than enough and having your hope in Him is the most strengthening and freeing thing. If you're here too you know there's no place you'd rather be -- even the pleasure of a great marriage and family one day fade from your radar because you're so content for them to wait for their proper time and to simply be here, now. 

Here, now, our First Love is our only love and we know that the longer we spend with only Him the richer our someday-marriages will be -- because satisfaction in abiding in Him is the secret to satisfaction in every season and circumstance. Here, now, when our time and affections aren't prioritized on a spouse and children, they're free to be spent generously on others and to pursue the dreams He's made for us for such a time as this. If you're here too you know how glad you are not to have missed this, skipped it, or rushed through it. If you're here too you're probably one of the most eligible and desirable singles in your community but you've refused to settle for less than Gods best -- not just in match but in timing too -- and you know you've chosen the better part. We pray for our future spouse and we dream of those future babies, but we don't have to wait til we're there to experience fulness of joy, life abundant, nor do we have to have someone on our radar in order to have hope. Jesus is truly the joy and the life and He's here, now. His presence is home to me.

Friday Favorites >>

1. "Epic All-Nighter" playlist on Spotify for long stretches of reading (see #3) 2. Stumptown chocolate cold brew -- I tried it at an actual Stumptown coffee shop in NYC a few weeks ago but you can get these cartons of it at Target 

3. "Perspectives", a book I got for school five years ago and only read selected chapters of Ive now picked back up and am reading straight through 4. United Pursuit's latest songs on YouTube 5. Wanderlust's newest documentary "Holy Ghost - Reborn" which I havent seen yet but ordered a few days ago 6. Shea Moisture conditioner -- it does wonders for my curls 7. Alaffia foaming lavender hand soap -- because I love everyday products that give back 8. Pacifica lipstick is a moisturizing lipstick, unlike most lipsticks, and its good for these chapped lips of mine

Not in a Hurry //

The Lord's life had purpose and promise all over it years and years before He was conceived and delivered. My life did too. Jesus grew up knowing the prophesies speaking of His life. How many times as He walked or sat eating or worked with His dad or lay in bed through His childhood and young adult years do you think that He meditated on them? Knowing His calling, knowing the day would come for Him to fulfill it all. His cousin, John, had known Him from conception. The night before do you think Jesus lay awake in excited anticipation of His time?

13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan [River], to be baptized by him.14 But John tried to prevent Him [vigorously protesting], saying, “It is I who need to be baptized by You, and do You come to me?” 15 But Jesus replied to him, “Permit it just now; for this is the fitting way for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John permitted [it and baptized] Him. 16 After Jesus was baptized, He came up immediately out of the water; and behold, the heavens were opened, and he (John) saw the Spirit of God descending as a dove and lighting on Him (Jesus), 17 and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased and delighted!” -- Matthew 3

So it began. Before He had ever done one thing or said one word in His ministry, in His life calling, His Dad says He is well pleased with Him. And this is where I am right now. Ive known all my life in the depths of me bits and pieces of my calling. Ive seen them string together over the years. Ive meditated on the purpose Daddy God has for my life. Ive anticipated the day when its due time to fulfill.  Wife, mother, prophet. But here, on the eve of launching into it all, He keeps saying over and over, "I want to spend these last days just you and Me. I want to celebrate your life and show you what I see when I look at you. You're my beloved daughter, in whom I am well pleased and delighted. Let Me just shower you with love in these final days before your wedding [destiny]."

I am in no hurry to get to the next season. All my life Ive been itching to get to the day when I would be married and having babies and on mission. That sense of knowing it wasnt time but one day it would be and in my preparation that desire kept me motivated. But this season right before the fulness of time, the completion of years of preparation, where Im just WITH my Love and sinking deep in this truth that ultimately my calling is to be a child of God -- it has been before the creation of the world -- Im in no hurry to move past it.

Church, if youve thought that in order to be intimate with Daddy you had to be fulfilling His will... If youve been afraid of being out of His will, of mishearing Him, of disobeying, of lacking in ministry, etc... Youve had it backwards. You have been brought near by unity in Christ's death and resurrection. You ARE seated in heavenly places and have freedom to approach the throne with BOLDNESS. Its for FREEDOM that Christ has set you free. Intimacy with Him has been established long ago. You were [re]born into it. Its FROM intimacy that we naturally walk in His will, hear Him, obey him, minister. Its only from that place. Its an overflow of what we've been given. Who we ARE determines what we do, what we do doesnt determine who we are.

So then, believers, we [who are born again—reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, and set apart for His purpose] are not children of a slave woman [the natural], but of the free woman [the supernatural]. It was for this freedom that Christ set us free [completely liberating us]; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery [which you once removed]. -- Galatians 4:31-5:1

You get to LIVE in this place! You never have to leave it! We live rejoicing because we live in the everlasting reality that we are free and we are children of God and He is well-pleased with us! Take all the time you need to just rest in that. Every day! Its never a waste of time to meditate on this and be renewed in your mind by this truth.
And dont fear making mistakes in hearing Him. He loves our boldness and He loves to correct us as we go because its part of training. He's not displeased with mistakes. Be encouraged!

Perfect Ways //

Two weeks ago I entered a new season of life. My twenty third year is already so marked by release, purpose and presence and I want to share about it. Basically, regardless of circumstances, Daddy God is faithful, He is mine, and in His presence is FULNESS of joy. 

Last summer I'd had breakthrough from my heart break that spring, I'd been given fresh vision for purpose after the future Id envisioned with Zachary was stripped away -- by mercy and perfect wisdom's plan I now see -- and at that time I was prayer-walking my city and listening for where I was to move. I was also investing in new friendships in other cities where we were cheering each other on in living the normal Christian life. Last October one of those friends revealed feelings for me and intentions toward me. I shared his feelings and was more than on-board with his serious and honorable intentions. I was so afraid of loss though and the fear was flavoring my feelings with doubt and anxiety. All the what ifs of another interest never becoming anything committed, of another envisioned future stripped away, of a loved man lost, of possibly having to endure the ache of someone having left instead of staying again. With all the patient reassurances of my friend, all his encouragement of this being a new thing and not what I'd been through before, of all the promise I saw written on the idea of "us", and simply believing that, whatever came, this man was worth the risk and I wanted it, I chose to begin again. 

Long distance, we took things slow in a sense, as we wanted to interact with each other and meet each other's "people" before making anything official, but we also launched, or fell, quickly into what I hoped never to recover from. For months I was reservation and caution. Then I was all-in. Then I was insecure in the amount of time we were taking between expressed mutual desires and a public commitment. In the midst of moving forward though my friend heard distinctly from Daddy God, "Wait. Don't get ahead of My timing." He wanted to ignore it because of his strong draw to me. He tried to ignore it but couldn't. Eventually he told me about the word and it revealed how much I needed some one-on-one time with Daddy. I pitched a fit. I kicked and screamed and told them both how not okay I was with this plan. "Daddy, don't you know that my security depends on things actually coming together and lasting this time around? What are You thinking asking us to wait? This messes with my heart so much." For months we went up and down this emotional roller coaster of limbo because my friend couldn't ignore the word and I really wanted to. When I realized afresh that I couldn't control the future, we spent some days apart. We prayed, talked, cried to our Daddy, and came back together on the same page: we needed to submit to this word and we thought the only way to guard each other's hearts while waiting to further pursue a future together meant disconnecting from each other for a period of time and then reconnecting afterward to reevaluate where we sensed things were at on Gods timetable and heart. So we did. 

For five months we avoided talking to and seeing each other, labeled ourselves "off the market", and opened ourselves instead to whatever Daddy wanted to do in us individually as well as with "us". 

Two weeks into our season of separation I got a call telling me that my parents had separated. My security depending on the faithfulness of loved ones and them not leaving had landed me on my face. The only one I had for intimacy in this confusing and painful time was the one who later would reveal himself to me as my Forever Love. 

Month by month, season by season, I walked forward with Daddy God and let him Father me, let Him love me. It wasn't about questions being answered or about circumstances being favorable or people being faithful. I was finding all I needed in the security and the hope and the steadfastness of Him. I was finding all I needed in the one who is mine -- forever. 

Time was drawing to a close in the separation season with my friend, a time for reevaluation was nearing. All the way through Daddy had assured me, "The man will know how to lead forward, and you will know how to respond to his decision." Then one week before my birthday a complete shift in my heart occurred and it wasn't my desire for my friend and I to pursue a future anymore. The man who had loved me well, led me patiently, walked through healing and confusion and obedience and silence with me, the one I'd thanked God for more times a day than I could keep track of, was very suddenly the man that I just wanted restored friendship with. I wanted so much to just begin again with him, after all the months of silence, as friends and just allow life to unfold before us as it would. 

In Daddy's perfect timing, my friend called, on my birthday, about a year from the date he'd initiated pursuing me, and what was the way forward that he'd clearly been told to lead in? Just beginning again as friends. Leave it to Daddy to get two of His kids on the same page without them communicating or seeing each other. I might add too, that although we were both sure this was the place to begin again and the way forward for us, our feelings for each other had come through the season still in tact. We still wanted each other as we had the whole year but we wanted other things more. My friend wanted healing from past hurts -- things that had been revealed to him during our season apart -- and regain the freedom of heart to be really vulnerable in a romantic relationship again someday. He wanted to continue in the callings and purposes Daddy had for him where he was. I wanted to be officially single again and have that freedom to run hard after all that Daddy had for me in the year ahead. I wanted to keep going through life's troubles with this security in my immovable Daddy and forget about romance until it was really time. We were so grateful and so glad that our friendship had been preserved. I was happy to have the possibility that down the road perhaps our hearts and Daddy's timing would line up and we'd explore a future together once again, but I also had so much peace that whether that happened or not is just fine. 

How is it that when it looks like all I feared came to pass that I came out so unwounded, so fearless, so secure in hope? Daddy is faithful and works everything to my good and won't ever leave me! Security that depends on anything other than Him leaves us hanging but security in Him leaves us soaring. 

My parents are walking through getting divorced, I've lost the hoped for future with my dear friend that we'd delighted over and prayed for, and through it all it is literally, to the depths of me and back again, WELL with me. This is the best year of my life so far. Bad news at possibly the worst timing -- my folks' separation right on the heels of my friend and I beginning our separation season, and then no restoration of hoped for relationship with my friend settled on my birthday -- has come to be just news that didn't shake me and that ended up being a blessing to me because my Daddy God reigns and hope in Him never disappoints. It's incredibly sad that my Dad left our family. It's sad that my friend and I aren't moving forward as we'd hoped. As always there's a season of mourning. But it was especially short for me because it was eclipsed by an extreme pleasure in the Presence of my Forever Love. 

I'm supremely satisfied. Perfect peace, an abounding joy, and supernatural strength are what I'm walking around in and it doesn't even make sense to me. By all "rights" I should be miserable or depressed or riddled with anxiety. But I'm a child of God and so by all heaven's rights I'm secure and satisfied and whole. I'm passionate about His presence, about abiding in fulness of joy, and in being the evidence of a God who is more than enough. He's really good. I can't even help it -- Im more in love with Him than ever!

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint or grow weary; there is no searching of His understanding. He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing it to multiply and making it to abound]. [II Cor. 12:9.] Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected] young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted; But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired. [Heb. 12:1-3.]”

Isaiah 40:28-31 AMP

I haven't had a release to write about any of this as it unfolded the past twelve months but the time has come. Praying for clarity as I begin again to testify of all that the Lord is saying and doing for and through me these days. The best is yet to come -- always!