Saturday, May 3, 2014

Fresh Vision // week 16

Getting fresh vision and purpose. There are bright things ahead, good things. I'm hopeful and excited. A new place to go, new dreams to pursue and new horizons to move toward.
Just today I'm getting a fresh vision of my season here though and my heart is breaking apart all over again. The past few weeks have just been mourning the loss of the near future I anticipated and the loss of my day-in and day-out very best friend. Just now I'm realizing that the "bye til graduation" break in communication may actually have meant just plain-old "goodbye". He may never be back. That doesn't make sense to me and we didn't get a real goodbye so there's no closure. It's just a wide open wound and I re-lose him all the time. It seems he can live without me though... If that's true, when I can manage to let go, I'll have to learn to live without him too.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. — Winston Churchill




I know you all want to see me heal but it's going to be a long, long road and trying to rush the process won't work. I'm very tender right now and will pull back to protect my hurting heart if it feels unsafe. If you can just trust the process and just journey the road with me without answers or solutions that's all the help I need. Thank you for your prayers. I'm not afraid of this pain. I'm not camping out in it. I am moving forward, even if I'm not quite ready to move on. This is developing me and I don't want to rush through it.
We felt we had received the sentence of death. That was to make us rely not on us but on God who raises the dead.               || 2 Corinthians 1:9

2 comments:

  1. I know how you feel, and I know it must be so hard to take your time to heal when you probably just want to get it done. But healing and moving on from broken relationships must be done in steps, and I've learned that if I try to skip one then I end up coming back to it later on and it's a whole lot harder that way. I totally admire your honesty and bravery in doing this, and know that the Lord has awesome things planned for your very near future.

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  2. I love you, friend. I know it seems like I've been out of the picture, but I promise my thoughts and prayers are with you. I understand this, because I went through a situation very similar - thinking one thing was so certain and in God's will, but it wasn't. I'm so glad it wasn't. I know you know Who holds the future. He's working for your good, that is without question. Thank you for your transparent heart.

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