Monday, February 25, 2013

The Way I Loved You // unsung and developing heroes

I have a new puppy and I've been sleeping on the couch for a week, getting up every two or so hours to let him out into the frigid world to relieve his bladder throughout the night. Recently you had a friend sleep over and the two of you woke up early to come down and meet Barley the pup. It never occurred to you that I was quite sleep deprived and any chance of getting another hour or two went out the window with you two coming down. But once you'd wrestled and snuggled the puppy sufficiently and were ready to go upstairs and wake Lane up so you guys could play video games I convinced you to stay downstairs and watch some tv for an hour so Lane could sleep in a little.

Sometimes I am selfless like that. Then there are other times... Naturally struggling with selfishness and that feeling that the world revolves around you is only heightened by a lack of sleep. Your patience and tolerance shrinks with every lack of consideration for my needs. I lash out with frustration and am nearly intolerable to be around. Truly there is nothing good in me apart from The Lord's abiding presence. I'm still very much dependent on grace. I try to be transparent with these lessons that I learn through my shortcomings hoping you'll learn from my example of growth.

As your teacher and the main adult in your life day in and day out, and apart from those selfish and frustrated moments, my motive behind everything is a love for you that compels me to do what is best for you. Sometimes that makes me look like a "bad guy", dishing out consequences and putting my foot down, meaning what I say and holding you to a high standard, insisting that you do a job completely and correctly. Parents are truly unsung heroes. As nice as it would be to be recognized and thanked for my labors on your behalf, my greatest desire is just for you to grow and succeed. Hmmm... Sounds familiar to what dad always said to me when I thought he was being terribly unfair. That's the way mom and dad love us, and that's the way I love you.

Then we come to the end of the day and we put the "teacher"/"student" roles aside. I tell you that I bet you don't like my interacting with you as though you were my baby brother any more but I can't help but think of you as my sweet, squeezey little buddy. You confide in me that you think I don't like you much anymore because I'm hard on you and I tell you again that its only a strong sign of how fond I am of you. The guard comes down. You invite me to just be your sister tonight and to come up and watch tv in your room with you, Lane and Gabi.

... And that's the way you loved me.

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