Friday, April 5, 2013

Hello. My name is _________

I have been given the gift of faith. I don't feel the need for God to show me the big picture because I'm content to walk by faith rather than by sight. Mostly.

From the day that I was designed in the mind of God, I have been sweet, quiet, ornery and have had an overactive sense of justice. A deep thinker, reader of classic literature and avid journaler, I have things to say and I know how to say them. A planner, organizer and detail-oriented person, with the proper warning, I'm prepared for whatever comes. But, because of insecurities, I've been shy my whole life. Reserved and often isolated, I've probably intimidated many people on my life simply by being intimidated by them. Being an introvert I am content to be alone, I refuel on quiet time. However, in life relationships are key, and communication is key to relationship success. On top of that, life, and the people we do life with, do not always provide sufficient heads-up for things I like to be prepared in advance for. This has been the main trigger of melt-downs, cry-fests and the throwing of fits in my life.

Summer of 2010 Jesus changed that about me. In Him I found a deep sense of security. I gained a confidence, boldness and radiant sense of peace-that-passes-understanding. I walked around with my head held high, reached out to others, spoke in front of crowds with no preparation -- just words from the Lord. I helped organize events, opened up to friends and family and helped them open up to me.

Over the past two and a half years I've walked through miserable trials. Through these circumstances Jesus has brought to the surface many insecurities and fears that needed to be weeded out of my life. By His power and His love I've been able to walk through those seasons and come out stronger and more free. But there is still a lot of work to be done.

I'm walking into a new season of independence, having bought my first house and working on starting my own business. There are always unknowns that come with new seasons, but few seasons come with "all new" (aka "all unknown"). This one seems to. There are some things that I'm truly afraid of, in a paralyzing way, and others that I'm insecure about (and really hope no one asks me about because it will reveal how unprepared and naive I am). It's like riding a teeter-totter, one minute I'm excited and can't wait to move, the next I want to stay right where I am and let life tick by without me. (Not possible but sometimes I pretend it is.)

Here's the thing, I know the security to be found in my Lord, I know the strength given to face the day, and the love that exceeds all loves and calms my greatest fears. I want to be where He is, do what He is doing, go where He goes. I've left the shore, I've ridden out frightening storms with Him and now He beckons me to join Him in the total unknown, in the impossible-apart-from-Him, and I will step out of the boat and follow. My faith is little, and I suspect I'll begin to sink, even as I walk, more than once, but He is faithful even when I am without faith and He won't let me fall. All I need to be prepared, to walk through life with that aura of peace and to boldly obey my Lord is Him. And He is mine.

Hello. My name is Secure-in-Christ.

Hello My Name Is

4 comments:

  1. He is faithful even when I am without faith. So true, so true. Thanks so much for linking up, Chelsea! And thanks for being honest and vulnerable.

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  2. Chelsea I'm so glad you linked up today. I can relate so much to everything you said. On our own, life is so... unknown! Thank Jesus for the security in Him, even when we don't feel it. The knowledge that, no matter what, we are His. That's enough for sure. Love you girl!

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  3. This is so beautiful and honest. I too can relate to this, the security Christ gives us is like no other! Awesome words Chelsea!

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  4. Chelsea, this is full of encouragement. I see much of what you wrote in my own life. God has gifted me with faith and mercy, but I often lack the boldness to go forward in my callings. It feels safer to sit with my words and thoughts. Thank you for sharing; I truly needed to read it today.

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