Thursday, April 24, 2014

Rest // week 14

I don't understand how we got to where we are. The confusion, the unanswered questions and the logical assumptions hurt. The Lord is guarding my heart and won't allow the hurt to go as deeply as it could. He won't let fear and doubt and lies warp my identity. He keeps showing me who I am in Him. I find rest here.

Regardless of how long, whether for a season or forever, I've lost Zachary for, it is sad. I'm in mourning over it. The Lord cries with me and doesn't shame me at all for mourning, there is a time and place for it. There's no rush for me to be happy again. I can just be sad. I find rest here.

I'm not where I thought I was going, and I know there is a purpose behind that. I am where I am for such a time as this. I'm here to rest and I'm here to touch other broken hearts; to look in their eyes and let them know they are seen, to wrap an arm around them and sit in ache together, to bring rest to weary souls through spoken truth and to encourage vulnerability by simply loving. I find rest here.

I am tired from traveling and loving well. Permission comes: Rest.

As my head stops spinning and the hurt sinks in and I mourn, I'm still resting.

I am emotionally tired and numbness is setting in and I'd rather be sad than feel so blank. Invitation comes: Rest.

I don't know what will happen next or where I am supposed to go or what I am supposed to do. He will show me when it's time. Now is the time for rest.

My heart aches and strives for it's desires. Jesus sees, He knows. He says I've done the work needed for right now and just to rest and let Him accomplish the work that He started.

There is rest here. The practical rest of being at home and Mom looking after me, of friends and family understanding the emotional toll being taken on my body and giving me permission to take it easy, of not having a job currently, of sleeping in on mornings that I need it. But there is a spiritual rest found in the Lord's presence that I find no matter where I am or how I'm feeling or what the circumstances are. Comfort is found in Him. Rest and peace and strength overshadowing my weakness, all in Him. When I was adventuring and stressed and lonely, I had this rest. As I'm confused and sad and hopeful, I have this rest. My weakness is a blessing, it is my strength. Being the weaker vessel is incredibly beautiful. Needing my Husband -- having continual cause to press into Him more, to know Him more and realize a greater depth of how He knows me, to receive His strength and offer my beauty -- is beautiful.

I stand in this: I am His, He is mine.

I have Him. Whatever comes. // "my soul will rest in Your embrace"

Thank you, Mikayla for being brave with me and capturing the sincere emotions of this season of my life.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing your heart, Chelsea. :) I resonate with what you're experiencing, although in a different context. My parents divorced last year and I've felt the Lord speaking these same words to me as well in my loss and mourning.

    These are very captivating images of you. I like them. :) I've been thinking a lot about sorrow and grief, especially in Scripture, and it amazes me to think that one day we won't have to experience them anymore. They are only something we'll know this side of eternity. I can't fathom that. But what a deepening of joy we will know on that day with Him.
    Wishing you the fullness of His rest. :)