Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Testimony: dented car

My ear needs some re-tuning and the Lord is doing it. He doesn't speak audibly to me, not even in a whisper. I "hear" Him in my heart and head. I have more growing to do but from my few years of experience I recognize the difference between my Lord's voice, my own and the enemy's. Who you're tuned into makes a difference in who you hear. Pretty simple. I've been more tuned into me, my fears and wants, than Him recently and we needed to fix that. A free afternoon turned into a practice ground. Driving around, constructing a day of possibility for myself, a hundred choices go through my mind -- "While I wait to hear back from [friend] about hanging out I can go drop these clothes off at the church for Touched Twice...", "[friend] can't hang out until 6pm... should I stay in town that long?", "Maybe [friend] is home, I'm right here I should stop by and see. Nah.", "I could go rent a movie and just go home", "Im actually in the mood for a book, not a movie. I mean a movie would be nice and easy but I really want a book right now", "I should go to Target for one", "Wait, why not BAM? Why Target?", "Just feel like I'm supposed to go to Target and get a book", "That's silly. I can go to Target after but BAM is right here, I'm gonna go there". It may sound crazy, but I know the voice of my Lord and I knew I was ignoring it, disobeying it even, by going to BAM instead of Target. Whatever He had planned over at Target, I decided I wanted to make my own plan and go to BAM first, instead. I pulled into the parking lot, turned into a parking space and wham! my front bumper hit the car in the space next to me and I felt the scratch slice into their right rear door. I don't know how it happened. I could have sworn I had enough space. I've parked in parking lots thousands of times in my years of driving and have never hit a vehicle. I don't believe it was discipline for my disobedience, just a clear affirmation that the Lord wants good for me, maybe even knew that if I came here this would happen and He wanted to keep me from it, and going to BAM I was missing out on His best for me. if I had just listened. I had just potentially signed away my nest egg in order to make things right with this car's owner. I left a note on their dash explaining how the scrape on their car had happened and that I'd be happy to pay for the repairs and how to contact me. Another chance to listen to the Lord's voice came through this. He said not to be ashamed. He saw my repentant heart. He told me not to worry how things would go with the car owner. He would take care of it. I was tempted to just drive home crying, but Jesus still had something for me at Target I could tell, so I went. Wandered around in the movie section for awhile before heading to the books. There isn't much of a selection of books I like to read at Target but recently I had seen 'Divergent' in the theater and was curious about the book's greater depth of character development. There it was and it was 20% off. Just a book (to satisfy my craving to read), that I'd been curious about (He notes even the smallest heart desires), and on sale (just because He knows about our limited resources and cares). When I got to the check out lane, the cashier was uncommonly personable and friendly. Talking with her made my day. That's what He had waiting. Nothing profound, just a book and a friendly conversation to brighten my day. 

When you know Him, you listen. Not because He's the boss of you, not because you'll be punished if you don't, but because you trust His heart. My ear tuned back in to Him joyfully, willingly, unrestrainedly. 

Later on in the evening I missed a call from an unknown number. They left a voicemail. It was the owner of the car I had scratched saying that they weren't going to be filing any claims, the scratch wasn't too bad and something they could live with but they appreciated my honesty and the note. My willfulness was forgiven by the Lord but I still deserved to have to pay for that scratch, it was fair to have to. I'm His daughter though, He has my back, and I could hear His heart through the gracious voice of that man on the other end of my phone. I find rest in His favor and freedom. His heart is good, and it is for us.

1 comment:

  1. I cant wait to read what you think of Divergent.
    You have been pinning my pins on Pinterest for awhile, so I got curious and decided to check out your boards, and found I LOVE what you love too <3 So I came to check out your blog, and then find that you mentioned my current obsession!
    Thank you for sharing your heart, and your transparency. I've also been going through some things and your words (both pinned and your own) have definitely been ministering to me.